mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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