Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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