Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
