I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
