Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
