she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
