There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
