Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
