I faked an abortion last night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
