Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
