Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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