the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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