Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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