im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
