ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
