Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
