I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
