that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
