This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
