Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
