dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
