She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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