dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
