this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
