Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The best revenge is premature balding
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
