your parents love me but you hate me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
