You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i've created a new STD.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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