I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
