Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
