First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
