There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
