I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
