I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
