I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
