Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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