My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
