my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
