I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
