Im at strip club and am horny
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
