Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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