how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
