you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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