i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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