Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
