I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
