She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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