I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
