Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
