You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
