i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
