FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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