i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
